


Santa Maybe (2011)

by JennyB



Series: Advent 2011 [15]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Advent Challenge 2011, Crack, Gen, Podfic Available, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-15
Updated: 2011-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:38:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amazing things can happen when you want to believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Santa Maybe (2011)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kansouame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansouame/gifts).



> Written for Advent Challenge 2011. Prompt: 'Crack argument about Santa or reindeer'.
> 
> Podfic (by the lovely Kansouame ♥♥) here: [Take a Listen!](http://www.mediafire.com/?vaavj7fcu33f1c3)

Gojyo hummed softly to himself as he carried a shopping bag across the sitting area of their suite, stopping in front of the fireplace. He pulled out a tack hammer and four nails and proceeded to pound them into the plaster. After hanging four stockings, he stepped back to light a cigarette and admire his handiwork. Satisfied, he got a beer from the fridge and then went and sat at the small dinette table in the kitchen area, only to pause with the can halfway to his lips when he saw the way his friends were looking at him. "What?"

Sanzo frowned. "I'm not paying to have that fixed, idiot."

Gojyo looked confused. "Huh?"

"I mean, I've seen you do some stupid shit, but this is a new one, even for you."

"Fine then. I'll take yours down, and you can get what you deserve for Christmas. Jack Shit. That's what." Gojyo took a noisy gulp from the can. "See, Hakkai told me all about it. If you put stockings by the fireplace on Christmas Eve, then Santa Claus'll come, and he'll fill them with presents and stuff."

"Uh, Gojyo?" Hakkai said as he laughed nervously. "I don't believe that's exactly what I said."

Ignoring him, Gojyo continued, "So, I figured I'd give it a shot. What the hell, you know?" He polished off the can, and burped softly as he pushed it away from him.

Sanzo snorted. "You're such an idiot. Santa Claus isn't a real person."

"Actually, Sanzo," Hakkai interjected, "historical evidence suggests that there was a Saint Nicholas, and--"

Sanzo merely spoke louder to drown Hakkai out. "And even if he _were_ real, why the hell would he bring you anything? You're supposed to be good."

Gojyo looked offended. "What the hell do you mean I'm not good? I've been traipsing all over half of fucking China killing crazy youkai, helping the less fortunate, and trying to stop the bullshit that's happening around Shangri-la! Not to mention, I've been putting up with you, Sanzo- _sama_. How is that _not_ being good? I'd say I'm a fucking _saint_." He smirked lewdly. "Besides, the lovely ladies always say I'm _very_ good. So I think I deserve a little something." From out of nowhere, Sanzo's fan appeared and he cracked Gojyo hard across the back of the head with it. "Ow! What the hell'd you do that for, you crazy dumbass?"

"To prove my point!" Sanzo exclaimed as he stowed the fan back in his robes. "You're such a fucking pervert; the only thing you _deserve_ is an ass kicking, or a bullet between the eyes!"

Gojyo rubbed his head. "And I suppose you think _you_ should get something?"

"I deserve it more than you for putting up with you three idiots and your bullshit day after day!"

"Hey!" Goku exclaimed.

"Please don't drag us into your argument, Sanzo," Hakkai said.

"You're no better than me, you hypocrite!" Gojyo said hotly. "In fact, I think you're the _last_ person Santa'd give a present to just because you're such a crappy monk!"

"For the last time, dumbass, he's not real!" Sanzo growled.

"Says you!"

"Says everyone!" Sanzo snorted irritably. "Only children and imbeciles say otherwise. It's a good enough story, but that's all."

"But magic is real," Gojyo protested. "I mean, look at the Makai Tenjyo! It's the same idea!"

"It is _not_ the same idea! Don't you _dare_ compare one of the Holy Scriptures to the idea of a fat man with flying reindeer." 

"Oh relax, Buddha!" Gojyo said. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. But you've gotta admit that if one kind of magic can exist, then so can the other.

Sanzo drew his revolver and levelled it at Gojyo, his eyes narrowed. "I don't have to admit to anything."

"Now, now," Hakkai said gently. "Perhaps it's best if you two let this go. I mean, you're both entitled to your own opinions, and--"

"Stay the hell out of this, Hakkai!" Sanzo and Gojyo both shouted as they glared at him.

Hakkai blinked in surprise before his eyes turned cold and his lips turned upward in one of his scary smiles. "I see. Well, if that's the way you feel, then go ahead and kill each other if you must. But please try to keep the bloodshed to a minimum for the staff's sake." He turned to Goku. "Come on, let's see if we can't find some hot chocolate and cookies and leave these two to their idiocy, ne?" He steered the younger brunet toward the door, and after giving Sanzo and Gojyo a meaningful glare, he shut the door behind him.

Sanzo smiled cruelly. "So, Hakkai's not here now to save your ass. What were you saying, Kappa?"

Gojyo eyed the revolver, and then he flipped Sanzo off. "I was saying you can kiss mine, asswipe. You--" He stopped suddenly, his brow creasing when he swore he heard the soft jingle of bells from the salon area. "What the hell?" He got to his feet and went to investigate, only to curse loudly a moment later. "Hey Sanzo? You'd better get your ass in here and see this."

"Tch." Putting his gun away, Sanzo hefted himself out of his chair and joined Gojyo. "This had better be important or you're dead."

"Look." Gojyo pointed across the room towards the fireplace.

Sanzo's brows rose, and he looked from the filled stockings to Gojyo. "Hakkai probably did it. You know how he is."

"When?" Gojyo demanded. "He's been sitting here with us until about five minutes ago, and he had Goku with him."

Sanzo opened his mouth as if to reply, then promptly closed it again. He didn't say anything for several moments. Finally, he spied a piece of paper tacked to the mantle.

_You boys are so bad. Which is what makes you so good. Keep doing what you do and Merry Christmas._

Sanzo's jaw clenched tight, and then he stomped back to the kitchenette and lit a cigarette. "Yeah, well, I don't buy the bullshit about the reindeer. Santa Claus would be better off using dogs. They're used to pulling sleds."

Gojyo arched a brow, and then joined the blond in the kitchen. Lighting up his own cigarette, he said, "Do you even know anything? If he used dogs, what's to say they're not going to bite some kid? Besides, deer can pull sleds!" Gojyo jumped as a bullet whizzed by his head and lodged in the ceiling. "Hey, asshole! He can come and take back your shit, you know!"

On the roof, Kanzeon Bosatsu adjusted the stocking cap she had perched atop her head. "Now this was fun." She laughed delightedly as she listened to the argument escalating in the room below her, and she grabbed Jiroshin's arm to keep him from sliding over the edge when he jumped to dodge the wayward shot.

"Can we please go home now?" Jiroshin asked. "I'm glad you're pleased, Goddess, but I still don't understand what we're doing out here."

Kanzeon smiled. "It's good for Konzen to experience a little bit of magic, Darling. How can he ever expect to have any faith if he can explain away everything he sees?" She giggled. "Besides, you know how I like to mess with those boys. And I know their theories will keep me entertained until at least February." She gave her vizier an affectionate pat on the cheek. "Now come on, Jiroshin. It's freezing down here, and I know I could certainly use a hot toddy."


End file.
